You know you're from Nebraska when......

Downtown Omaha skyline

You graduated from a high school that had a geographical direction for a name.

You know exactly what and where Counciltuckey is, and you stay away from it.

You call anything past Elkhorn "the rest of Nebraska."

You consider Omaha the one true capital; Lincoln's just your retarded little brother.

You take pride in the fact that the Cheesecake Factory just opened; it makes you cosmopolitan.

You know where to find the underground music scene, and mourned the loss of the Ranch Bowl.

You cried when the Woodhouse car guy died.

You know what Marlon Brando, Henry Fonda, and Malcom X have in common.

You have visited the Amazon rainforest, the Antarctic circle, and the Sahara Desert all in a day.

You worked at the Zoo at some point in your life.

You've been drilled in school about all the useless inventions to come out of Omaha ... such as the ski lift. 

You hated the idea of the overpass while it was being built and immediately loved it when it was finished.

You pass three McDonald's, four Burger Kings, and six Subways on the way to school/work.

You have at least one Ted N' Wally's story.

You go to Homer's for all your record buying needs.

All the plans needed for a successful date are "let's go to the Old Market"

You've ridden the bronze lions (and burnt some part of your body while doing so).

You pride yourself on being from East O, North O, South O, or West O.

You remember when J. Doe's took over the city.

You cut out a snowflake at Von Maur in December, 2007.

Everyone asks you about Bright Eyes and Saddle Creek Records.

You go trick-or-treating in Regency for the "big candy."

Spaghetti Works always sounds like a good idea, but you almost never go there.

You've hung out in a parking lot at least once.

At least 5 of your friends have sold steaks and made decent money doing it.

You call anything past 90th "way out there."

You have felt obligated to eat at least one Runza.

You know what "annexing" means.

You know what The Beef is. And yes, you know their cheer.

You cried the day Peony Park was killed by Hy Vee and Fazoli's.

The abbreviations MPS and OPS stir up deep feelings inside of you.

You or someone you know has spotted one of the mysterious stray mountain lions.

You go to the south and get accused of being a hick.

You know (and cringe at) Mulberry Lane.

You think the only good thing to come out of Lincoln is the Huskers.

You have never been to the panhandle.

You know what really goes on down at the slides.

You know that the Mall is, in fact, not a mall.

You go to Hummel park in search of albinos.

You are sick and tired of being asked if you have electricity every time you step out of the state.

You judge a person's socioeconomic income by the street number in their address.

You open your front lawn up for parking during CWS and charge ten bucks.

You have seen the Christmas Carol with "that one guy" at least four hundred times.

You have bought tickets for the one yearly Broadway show six months in advance.

You have never stepped foot on a farm.

You remember October of 1997 because you didn't have to do jack squat for five days.

Snow Days have slowly become an endangered species.

You have witnessed Jim Flowers's hair change color overnight a number of times.

You remember when Crossroads didn't smell like a landfill.

You know what a Hy Vee is.

You have eaten at Johnny's, Caniglia's, AND Mr. C's.

You know everything about Warren Buffet's love life.

You say you're going to a "cheapee" whenever you watch a movie at Westwood or the Stockyards.

You judge the popularity of a movie by how long it takes it to transfer to the Westwood or the Stockyards.

You wouldn't dream of ever using public transportation and would die rather than walk somewhere.

You know all about the middle lane of Dodge.

You know the seasons as: this is too hot to be fall, there's supposed to be snow on the ground, why is there snow in April and it wasn't this hot last summer!

You've attended a fundraiser where there's a Pancake Man invloved.

You can time the Northwest Radial perfectly in order to avoid all red lights.

One of your parents worked for Mutual of Omaha, Union Pacific, or Con Agra.

You don't find anything weird about it being sunny when you walk into a building and find it monsooning when you walk out.

There are no Republicans and Democrats; it's Republicans and "those damn hippies."

You or someone you knew was an extra in "About Schmidt."

You know what "About Schmidt" is.

A perfectly acceptable speed when driving is 90 miles an hour.

You live on a street named after a dead guy.

You can count every time you saw Omaha on CNN.

You cringe when you hear "River City Roundup," but you still go to it every year.

You live either down a hill, on the slope of a hill, or on top of a hill.

You can tell the difference between Rob McCartney and John Knicely (although you're sure they're clones ...)

You, too, wished Bush had stayed in Louisiana on 9/11.

You love Caffeine Dreams.

You know the difference between Dundee, Benson, Bellevue, and Papillion (and you know how to pronounce them).

You've been to the midnight movie and know the staff by first name.

You take construction into consideration when guessing how long it will take to get somewhere.

You constantly gripe about living in Nebraska, but you'd never want to leave.

And finally ...

You read this entire list and laughed your ass off.